Saturday, January 12, 2013

Toronto Spas Suck

From a male perspective, spas suck in general.

How I came to this conclusion was I bored one day and thought hey, why don't I go to a spa?

Not for a manicure or a pedicure... or a body scrub or a facial. Just go there and relax, swim in the hot spa baths.

After all, that is where the word "spa" comes from. The baths. They're really more like small pools, but with nice hot water and a relaxing atmosphere.

But the baths isn't how spas make their money. Its their cosmetics services like facials/etc that they make lots of money off of. And they also have food, juice bars, massage, and if you want you can basically get any kind of food scrubbed on your body - including chocolate - supposedly for its therapeutic benefits.

Except most of that junk - with the exception of the massages - most manly men have zero interest in. We are not going to pay $60 for someone else to trim our toenails and scrub our feet.

The photos above and below are from one of the best spas you can find in Toronto, the Elmwood Spa, but their list of services don't really appeal to men very much. At most I could see myself going there to lounge around in the spa, soaking in the heat and then get a massage. I don't think I would even try the food because frankly the food they serve at these places are both overpriced and what Vernon Dursley would correctly describe as "bird food".

I've had better meals at the Hare Krishna temple and that is Vegan food. But at least its hearty food and made with love, as opposed to the overpriced garbage you'd get at a spa.

Plus here is another draw back. You can't just randomly decide to go to a spa one day... Because they're booked up days or even weeks in advance. That to me is a huge draw back.

Really what I need is something akin to a Japanese style bath house or Japanese hot springs. But in Toronto, of course. So in theory what would be nice is if someone built and opened up an artificial hot springs, made with stone and designed to look completely natural, decorate it with Japanese flora, the interior architecture is all authentic (but not overdone), all in the effort to capture the feeling of going to a real hot springs in Japan.

But since nobody has done that, I shall try for a bath house instead... So I google Japanese bath house Toronto... and there isn't any. Instead it shows results for spas in Yorkville - which are not Japanese and the same thing I am trying to get away from because they are so gawdawful.

Conclusions? Toronto Spas Suck Donkey Balls. Zero Stars out of Five.

They're basically catering to one segment of society - wealthy yuppie women who apparently too lazy to scrub their own feet and trim their own toenails. There is basically nothing out there for a man who wants to go to a spa / bath house and relax.

I will admit they do look pretty - and they should. But they're a huge waste of time and space since they only serve a tiny portion of society who apparently are just really lazy.




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